Thanks for the Music!

It's funny how often I forget to be grateful and thankful for my talent. I sat today in a strange church playing my instrument for money on Easter Sunday rather then spending it with my family (a decision I do regret). Afterwards I had my usual post-music euphoria, where I feel SO good after a good performance. I often forget to really appreciate the talents that God has given me. How incredible is it that I was given the ability to do what I do in my own unique way. How cool is that? I forget how lucky I am to have these abilities and talents. I take them for granted way too often. What would my life be like if I suddenly lost my lips and couldn't play trumpet, or broke my fingers and couldn't paint, or lost the use of my legs and couldn't ride anymore? All of these things make up ME as a whole, and I would not be ME without all of these parts. I just need to set aside time every day to thank God for not only giving me these talents, but making sure I am still able to use them day after day by keeping me safe.

Don't take it personal...

*big sigh*
I wish people could be more honest with me...come right out and say what they are feeling rather than pying lip service and saying whatever they think I want to hear. All that ends up doing is making both people unhappy eventually when the truth comes out (and it always DOES come out). I am disappointed. I have a right to be disappointed, I feel like I've been in a pretend world for several years. How am I ever to know what is real and what is just said for my benefit? Now I am afraid I will be watching and weighing every word I hear, sifting each sentence looking for the 'real' truth as opposed to what i think they are saying just to please me. Kind of takes the fun and joy out of everything. The joy has been pretty much removed. Yes, I am disappointed, and yes I am taking it personally.

I guess I will go on with what I plan to do and live my life according to MY plans. What will be will be, and the end result will be whatever anyone else makes of it.
OOOOOOOOOListen!

The trip is worth every mile

I am back...from about 8 hours in the truck today...plus 2 hours on the back of my horse. It was a long, lonely drive. The weather was dark, wet, and gloomy...traffic was horrendous all day. What does one think about when you make the same long 4 hour trip week after week? Here's my thinking list from today's drive:

Things I thunk about while driving today!!!

1. I imagined my perfect ride on Taylor, from entering the gates at Congress until accepting my championship trophy (hey, thoughts can be impossible dreams too!)
2. What should I have for supper since it's Good Friday, am fasting (3 meals with no snacks), and cannot eat meat? I decided upon spaghetti with the plain tomato sauce...yum!
3. Does my truck still look cool even with the hole in the front of it?
4. I wonder if everyone on the road today is heading to and from work, or going home for the holidays? I wish I could go home, this is the first Easter spent away from my parents and sisters. I won't get to do the put-n-take eggs!!! I hope Dad makes the traditional Ugly Egg (the last egg dipped in every single color to make it an ugly puce brown color)
5. I wonder how Taylor will be at our first show of the year in a few weeks?
6. I think I will work on writing music for the 6th grade spring concert while travelling on the bus to Florida Monday. I wonder how long my laptop computer battery will last on the trip.
7. I wish Kevin would be home when I get home today. I wonder if I have enough energy to stop by the station and surprise him? I'd better not, surprise visits are always a pain in the butt.
8. Akron, Ohio has the WORST pothole-ridden highways I have ever driven on. It's almost worth taking some side roads to avoid them. I am feeling a little carsick from all the bumping. But how can I be carsick if I am driving a truck? There's no such thing as trucksick, so I must be OK.
9. You know, these long hours driving to and from the trainers is all going to be worth it when I have great rides at the shows this spring. It's going to be a good year, I can feel it.
10. I need a new hairstyle. This one's boring and messy.
11. Ugh I need a SHOWER! I can taste arena dirt in my teeth.
12. I wonder if Taylor misses me? I won't see her until the show on April 16. I hope we do well. I hope she doesn't spook.
13. I wish I could sleep in tomorrow, but alas I must get up at the crack of dawn again to drive to Dayton for a rehearsal for my Easter Gig. Yuck on the early morning, but the $200 I am getting paid to play 5 songs will be handy in a few weeks.

Goals and Effort

I am so exhausted today. What a long rough week. All I want to do is sleep in tomorrow. Instead, I am waking up at the crack of dawn to drive 4+ hours to ride with my trainer. I could just not bother, call her and say I can't make it...but I will not let myself. I have goals, and one of the main ones is to improve my own riding as well as my horse's responses to my riding, so I MUST go. In August I will post here and talk about my great successes in the show ring (hopefully!) and look back onto this post and remember that while everyone else was lazy, I put forth 100% effort and tried my hardest to improve.

But this is all hard to remember at 6:30am while I am struggling to stay awake in my truck all by myself.

A photo for inspiration, just to remind myself that with hard work anything is possible!

Oh who am I fooling...I want to go mainly because I miss Taylor!!! Taylor is my horse, in case you weren't sure.

Ugh, time for bed. I hate waking up early when I know I don't have to go to work. Well, at the end of this show season I want to be able to look back honestly and say I tried my damndest and my hardest and put in 110% effort and there was nothing more I could have done to improve.

STUPID x 5

When parking my truck in front of my horse trailer, my stupidstupidstupid foot slipped off the stupidstupidstupid brake and I gently bumped the gooseneck hitch with the front of my truck. I got out to look, knowing there would probably be a scratch, and I found a big HOLE in the front of my truck!!! Poor Ralph the Purple Ranger now is blemished...probably forever since I don't have the money to fix him. [insert very sad, depressed face here]

Patience is a virtue..someone please lend me some!

I think I am programmed to have only a specific amount of patience per day. Unfortunately my allotment usually gets used up at work, which leaves everyone who lives with me at home on the short end of the stick. Every night I go to bed with regrets. I tend to stay awake long into the night thinking about the things I did wrong that day, and silently beating myself up over the snippy or impatient things I said during the evening. I hate that feeling! So here's my blanket apology...

• I am sorry for snapping at you when you asked that question again, even though I already answered it earlier. That's no reason to be rude!
• I am sorry I didn't laugh at your jokes
• I am sorry I took personal offense at something you said very innocently...I know you didn't mean anything hurtful by it, but when my patience is gone so is the first few layers of my skin
• I am sorry I didn't respond when you showed me affection
• I am sorry I attacked back when you juimped my case over something silly. I understand that you also can be in a bad mood, and you don't always mean the things you say.
• I am sorry I didn't listen to you and your stories.
• I am sorry I became impatient with your comments about the TV program we were watching

I wish they sold patience at Wal-Mart. I'd buy a case of it...daily.

Mortality

I am having rather morbid thoughts...thinking about death...buit not really in a morbid way. If I died this instant, what would happen? Who would come to my funeral? What would happen to my horses, cats, dog? What would Kevin do with all of my crap? What would happen with the art orders I haven't completed yet? Would my paintings be worth more? Could Kevin sell them to fund the kids' college? Would anyone love my truck as much as I do?
Cool truck, eh?
Where would I be buried? Would my family respect my wish to be cremated even though they don't agree? Who would notify all of my internet pals? Would someone buy my clothes at Goodwill? Would Coourtney keep showing Taylor without me? Would Taylor notice I was missing from her life? Would anyone ever watch all my horse show videos from years past? Who would eat my stockpile of ravioli and pretzels? Would my students miss me? Would they cancel school for my funeral? Would I see Skamper in heaven?
I miss Skamper! 1988-2002, may she rest in peace!
Would Kevin marry again? Would his next wife be neater? Who would keep my computer? In 20 years would anyone remember me?

GREAT NEWS!

Ok, no really BIG great news, just that I am happy. Very stressed, but happy...go figure! People around me are also happy, contributing to my own happiness. The happy fungus is spreading...

A week from today, I am leaving for Florida, taking our marching band on a well-deserved trip to Disney. Kevin is coming along to chaperone...won't that be fun?!?!? 21 hours on the bus...luckily my students are the best on earth and 21 hours with them will be a blast.

Ok, happy picture time...here we go:


Yes, we are happy!

NEGATIVITY STINKS!

The world is entirely too negative!
Why do people always go out of their way to look for the bad in other people? I don't understand that!!! The more negative thoughts you have, the less happy your life will be. You cannot be happy and be a negative person! It's true! So many depressed and angry people have only themselves to blame. Stop looking at the bad stuff, stop imagining what can go wrong, stop dwelling on what did go wrong. Stop obsessing over the faults of another person, stop looking for things to criticize, stop feeling like you have to fix everything!

I think lately I have been turning into a negative person. Yikes! How did that happen? I catch myself lately looking for the bad things, looking for things to criticize, looking for my anger. It's stupid and pointless (as is most of my life LOL!). From this moment on I am going to work very hard to remain positive, to see the bad but concentrate on the good. Instead of getting angry, I am going to simply walk away.

Hello, can you hear me?

I am convinced the most difficult thing in the world is communicating effectively in your relationships. We hear each other, but do we listen?

I think I am a bad communicator. I hear what you are saying, but in most cases my brain has already interpreted what you said before you even finished your sentence...and unless my psychic powers begin to appear, I am generally wrong! Which brings me to another point, which I'll save for my next log.

Happy St. P's Day!

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'll use green text!

In the midst of the daily stress, it's nice to have a home oasis...a cold Diet Pepsi, a couple cans of ravioli, a dashingly handsome husband, and must-see TV Thursday night. Ahhhh....

Arrogance

I find arrogance so unattractive...it really bugs me. Now a dash of self-confidence is great, but the arrogant attitude where a person feels they know all is very irritating!

Arrogance is a sign of a closed mind. Someone who is overly arrogant cannot admit they are wrong, cannot admit there might be a better way, and cannot fathom the idea that someone might be better than them, or have better advice.

Pride goeth before a fall

Let me always remember that phrase....pride will rear back and bite ya in the butt!

Which brings me to my next topic - the top 10 personality traits in other people that drive me nuts! Here they are, in no particular order:

• Arrogance
• Overly critical of other people
• Negative outlook on life - the glass half empty!
• Whining, complaining, b*tching about things they cannot change
• Drama scenes made up just to get attention drawn off of someone else and onto themselves
• "Convenient memory' - people who 'forget' things that they didn't want to do in the first place.
• Misplaced anger - taking frustration from a regular day onto someone who had nothing to do with it other than being present at that moment
• Laziness
• Quitter attitude - people who give up when the going gets rough
• Goal-less people
• Me me me people - you know the ones who always turn every conversation into a topic about themselves!
• Rudeness to strangers (such as waiters, cashiers, policemen, anyone just trying to do their job)
• People who hate animals
• Afraid to get dirty

Ok, enough negativity about negative people!!! Don't worry, be happy!

If it ain't broke....

I don't get it. If someone is upset with you for something you did wrong, and you offer to fix it and make it right and they refuse, then why are they upset in the first place? I am so confused sometimes (yeah, big surprise there!!!). I would think if someone is mad about something, their anger should be abated by the wrong-er making an effort to fixthings, but if the wrong-ee refuses to let the wrong-er fix their mistake...what's the point? Just to stay mad, to feel the buzz of righteous anger?

Here's my formula of how things should work:

Person #1 does something wrong
Person #2 expresses anger or disappointment
Person #1 offers to make amends by fixing their mistake and making things whole again
Person #2 agrees
Person #1 fixes and makes it right
Person #2 is happy again, anger is forgotten, and all go on their merry way


Unfortunately, this is how things usually work:

Person #1 does something wrong
Person #2 expresses anger or disappointment
Person #1 offers to make amends by fixing their mistake and making things whole again
Person #2 refuses to let person #1 fix what upset them in the first place, but insists on grinding them into their mistake (not letting them fix it), and then gives them the right to hold a grudge and possibly bring up this incident again at a later date to be used as ammunition.

My lesson for today - anger and arguments are a waste of energy and oxygen. Fix the wrongs and move on to happier things in life! My goal: to stay happy. Care to join me?

Mark your calendar - Feb. 17, 2006!

WOO-HOO!
Fruit Cockail (my thoroughbred broodmare) was ultrasounded and found in foal today! That would make her due date somewhere around Feb. 17, 2006. The embryo was a little irregular-shaped, so we will check her again on Wednesday...don't uncross those fingers quite yet!

Here's a photo of the soon-to-be proud mama.
Now it's time for name ideas. Her name is Fruit Cocktail, daddy's name is Hot Diggity Joe. I'd like to use the name 'Hot' somewhere in the foal's name. Hurry up with the ideas, only 11 months to go!

Don't you want one of these????

Nope...loser again

Ok, out of SIX tickets (ranging as far back as 2003) I think I got 2 numbers total. I guess I will go to work tomorrow as usual!

What would be my purchases if I won the lottery? How would I spend the money?
Let's see....

1. Buy a bigger house in the country with about 100 acres, build a huge barn, indoor arena, and a circular driveway so I will never have to back my trailer down the drive again!
2. Buy my dad a brand new Ford F-250 with a cap, color blue so we can name it Bluebell
3. Buy Kevin his own cool work truck with chrome bumpers
4. Buy a second broodmare so I could raise foals in pairs (they need playmates!)
5. Buy my niece a new trumpet
6. Buy myself a kickin F-350 dually crew cab so both Courtney and Pasta could go to the shows with me
7. Buy myself an ipod
8. Hire an assistant so I could cut down on my workload at work (like a full-time xerox operator!!!)
9. Buy myself a new printer, one that prints in more colors other than all green! (hey, my printer is 11 years old, give him a break!!!)
10. Pay for my entire family, sisters, etc. to take a 2 week vacation in Aruba
11. Send our marching band on a cruise, maybe eastern Caribbean? That would be cool :-]
12. Anonymously give money to various people who might need it for the small and frivolous things that enhance life but aren't necessary....sometimes the little things or the fun things are what's really important!
13. Retire early!!! Currently, I have to teach until age 67 to get my full retirement benefits...yikes! I'd like to retire when I run out of cool ideas.

Anticipation

I have about 5 lottery tickets I never checked. I could be a millionaire as we speak...be right back after I check!

Hate your weather - it's the American way!

Once again, weather has wreaked havoc on my schedule...I am sitting here wasting time on my computer at the wee hours of the morning on a Saturday instead of going to ride Taylor. Stupid snow! I hate it!


It's something like 9 days until the start of spring, it's 22 degrees and we have 3 inches of snow. Something's wrong here!

Ok, a few pictures to remind me that things can and will get better!

Cute!

Try, try again!

You see? Anyone can be friends if they really work at it!

Today I received an unusual (and huge) package Fed-Exed to me at work. We (the band students and I) opened it and unravelled a million yards of bubble wrap (my favorite item on earth!), and found a new computer monitor underneath. We were very confused and puzzled. No one in the office knew anything about it. Then I received a mysterious phone call from a secretary of a stranger in Maryland telling me that someone had anonymously donated a new computer to me to use at school since the one I work on daily is over 10 years old. Is that cool or what???? I am flabbergasted (been waiting to use that word all week). To my anonymous donor, thank you very much. Your faith in me and the band makes me very proud to be a part of this group. I will write lots and lots of very cool music on this new computer, and promise to keep my Snood playing to a maximum 3 games per day (Ok, I can promise to TRY anyways!)

Priorities

In downtown Dayton last Tuesday night, the cops were out in full force. Great! Knock that high crime rate down! NOPE! The fleet of police officers had one mission in mind that evening - to ticket those heinous lawbreakers who were crossing the street outside the crosswalk lines! Yes, while the lowlifes of Dayton were raping and pillaging, the police force was writing Dayton Municipal Court traffic tickets to anyone they caught crossing outside the marked crosswalks. Your tax dollars at work! Be proud, Dayton, be very proud!

And no, in case you were wondering, I didn't get a ticket! Luckily I saw what was going on before I zipped across the street in my usual careless, law-fracturing habit. I wonder if a ticket like this would count against me like my five speeding tickets I earned in the past year and a half. Now now, don't look at me like that...my fastest ticket was 60 in a 45. The others were for speeds like 46 in a 35, 47 in a 35, 34 in a 25, etc. Wimpy, non-aggressive speeds...I am such a target!

Speaking of speed, here's Smarty Jones (2004 Kentucky Derby winner) getting a bath!

More speed - here's A.P. Indy. Not a race fan? Well, trust me, this is one fast dude!

*insert smiley face here*

You know, happiness is a lot of work. It's a lot easier to be negative and unhappy, especially in the morning before my daily dose of caffeine. It's the random little things in life that create true happiness. For instance, here's my list of stupid little things that make me happy:

• The smell of permanent markers (yum!)
• A two-hour fog delay
• Shiney, stiff magazine paper
• A fresh bag of Rold Gold pretzels (in the brown bag!)
• The smell of sawdust
• A smooth-writing pen
• A shedding horse (spring is here!)
• Erasers
• All-you-can-eat spaghetti buffet
• Sore muscles
• Colored chalk
• Anticipation of an upcoming show
• Crest vanilla toothpaste
• My mom's chicken soup
• Chef Boyardee pizza sauce, eaten straight from the can with a spoon!
• other happy people

Me happy!
This is where I am happiest! - with her!

Art is in the eye of the beholder.

Cool, eh?

It's hard to be an artistic person nowadays. Waaaaay too many restrictions in this world. Us artsy types don't do well with cages. I guess I can only speak for myself. I prefer the term 'artsy' to 'selfish, messy slob!'. Here's my quote of the day:

Cleanliness is next to Godliness,
but this ain't heaven!

Would you rather be happy, or pristine? Joyfilled or squeaky clean? Spontaneous or rigidly controlled?

Bring on the spaghetti (food of choice for artsy people everywhere, didn't you know that?)

P.S. I sometimes have trouble capitalizing my 'I's, so please don't consider me illiterate. Just a sloppy tiper (haha yah I know - it's typist )

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but...?

What is truth anyways? How can one tell the difference between the real truth or someone's own messed-up discombobulated personal opinion as to what is 'true'? Can it be considered a lie if it is a lie of ommission? Is keeping a secret a form of holding back the truth? Ouch, my brain hurts.

Hey, this is my good side!

Good day/Bad day? You be the judge!

I am working on a personal mission to handle my daily frustration. Why is it that you feel so much better if you can just let loose your daily grind-ation on someone else? Sure not a great way to make or keep friends. Oh yea, grindation is my own personal term for the stress you feel from working hours and hours on menial tasks without a mental break. Some goober once told me that he didn't think 'mental work' was tiring, and that someone who wasn't lifing heavy objects or doing rough manual labor outdoors had no reason to be tired. Your thoughts on that? I think it's a load of BUNK!